First, let’s take a look at your current relationships- intimate partner, spouse, friend, boss. Are there any jarring similarities to either of your parents? Are your relationships smooth or fraught with drama? If drama rules, pay attention to the patterns. Those who have disruptive, dysfunctional relationships often have had disruptive, dysfunctional upbringings.
If it seems like you are surrounded by selfish people- there are many labels thrown about these days- narcissist, gaslighter, perpetrator- or categorized as domestic violence, family violence, intimate partner violence- if those are the types of people who are drawn to you and these are situation(s) you find yourself in, it may be time to reflect back on your relationship of origin. It could be you are repeating patterns of your childhood.
If one or both of your parents was/is selfish and nothing was ever their fault (and according to the parent, your fault instead), this may have set you up to endure of a lifetime of drama and repeated trauma. That is, unless you decide to stop the pattern, which is often generational. Many of these traits are learned. As adults we either repeatedly fall victim in most of our relationships, go numb to survive, or we take on the traits of the abuser. Of course, all of this is on a continuum and each situation is different. And it does matter the age at which the abusive patterns began as well as other trauma that may have ensued. The literature often refers to this as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).
The WIEBGE acronym stands for Will I Ever Be Good Enough? and signifies certification in Dr. Karyl McBride’s five-step recovery model for treating adult children of narcissistic parents.
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