Shattering those typical relationship constructs and patterns I’ve been holding on to for so long; that’s what I’ve been up to, grappling with twin flame codependence. And that’s why I have been kinda quiet…
I am not in union with my twin, at least not based on how I have heard union described. But then again, when I read about Twin Flames who are in union, it starts to feel like the typical relationship constructs that Twin Flames are supposedly enlightened beyond, so I don’t know.
You still love me, Right?
My twin is in my life and acknowledges who we are. We are both aware of the back and forth, “go away, hug me” routine we fall into every so often. We come together, we talk, then we may go weeks without significant conversation. Even when one of us is pushing away, we are ever-present. We have a few years of this under our belts, yet I still find myself doubting that he “gets” what this is, that he is going to *poof* decide he doesn’t like me, that one day he is going to turn his back on me.
And that’s coming straight from my needy, codependent pattern of wanting reassurance. My twin is always there, but he is not one to dish out flowery support. Instead he encourages me to stand on my own. “I can’t reassure you DeeAnna. This has to come from inside you.”
Like, uh, “Really??” Where’d he get all that sage wisdom from?
Well, then again, he is my twin. Why am I surprised? Mirror to my soul. Me wise, he wise, and that’s how it rolls.
He always shows me where my next growing edge is. That’s what twins are for. I can be relentless, like a dog with a bone, spinning off questions with attitude when I feel he has not responded as I expected. He says, “I am not going anywhere. I am always here. The foundation is laid.” Then he reminds me that this is a different relationship. We need to suspend our expectations.
So that’s my new gig right now. Loving him and supporting him, and not having any expectations of how we should be or what we should be doing (or not doing). I got stuck because my mind kept playing 3D tricks on me, making me think I want the traditional coupling with my twin. And when I really examined that, and deconstructed what that might look like, I realized that what we have right now is actually more aligned with what I want. Sure, there are barriers. But soul to soul? We are on track and the rest will sort itself out. This is my continued lesson in trusting the universe to take care of all that this is, and in divine timing, not mine.
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