Being concerned that your partner is a sex addict can be overwhelming.
Have you recently discovered that your partner or spouse has been involved in sexual activity on the internet? Perhaps your partner has been having an affair or you are wondering if you may be in a relationship with someone who has a sex addiction. You are not alone. Often, finding out is the toughest part. You may have felt that something was wrong and may have even confronted your partner. Maybe you were lied to or told you were crazy. The initial discovery is sometimes the most difficult time- the shock and overwhelm, wondering if the entire relationship was a lie- these are all normal feelings.
Here’s the good news.
- It is not your fault.
- Your partner’s addiction is not about you.
- Your partner’s recovery is not your responsibility.
Still, living with a sex addict is not easy. If your partner is in recovery through a 12-step program and/or psychotherapy, this is a good first step. Let your partner heal while you seek help and support for yourself. Take the focus off your partner and focus on you. You may feel the need to know details or police your partner’s activities. This is not usually helpful and may actually retraumatize both of you.
Be good to you; decide whether you want to give your partner another chance and if so, let that chance take root. Focus on the positive. Commit to your healing while supporting your partner’s recovery! But be sure that your partner is committed to a life change that leads toward wholeness. No excuses. When it comes to addictions, the average person takes approximately 4-5 tries (rehabilitation, counseling, intervention, promises) before the addict commits to the work. Be patient but also be aware of your boundaries and limitations. Remember, do your work and move forward into the light. The rest will fall into place.
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